For the Forces of Good
By S. Lucia Kanter St. Amour
Why You Should Read This: Negotiations are not an unobtainable super power and instead are a skill that we can all hone every single day no matter where we are, who we come into contact regardless of what we need and want. For the Forces of Good: The Superpower of Everyday Negotiation by S. Lucia Kanter St. Amour For the Forces of Good: The Superpower of Everyday Negotiation by S. Lucia Kanter St. Amour is a read-able book that is based in the author’s experiences as a mediation attorney and someone who I met through her work as the VP for UN Women USA, San Francisco. Unfortunately, it is not yet available on Audible, but you can download to you Kindle and I also recommend buying a physical book that you can dog-ear and highlight.
According to the author, she wrote this book because of her experiences in seeing women, in particular, still shy away from negotiation scenarios – many are uncomfortable just asking for something, prioritizing so-called politeness over opportunity and success. Her response: “Well, guess what? Negotiation isn’t just for business and boardrooms. Negotiation is sexy. Negotiation is stylish. Negotiation is powerful and accessible to you. Every day.”
Negotiation is not about power, it is about influence, trust and communication – and ultimately it is about being authentic and tapping into your curiosity to find out what the other party needs. In each chapter, the author offers a real-life situation with both wit and wisdom born from her experiences. The author makes one think about situations where communication broke down and how they could have better handled the outcome. She further shows that negotiation is about LISTENING and sometimes the best solution is to be silent (the part where she and her family were held at gunpoint in a foreign country highlight this as a solution.) My favorite points in each chapter were the "pro tips” - some of which are now posted on my office wall.
How You Can Apply This: Tap into your emotional intelligence and listening skills to assess the situations where you want a different outcome than the one being offered. Use the pro tips and super pro tips and find a way to navigate a situation that would normally cause discomfort so that you gain confidence in your negotiation skills. And when conflict escalates to emotion, remember that you have a choice on how you chose to make a decisive decision. The point about two versions of what really occurred (and the truth being somewhere in between) was further amplified by the author's statement of that two entirely different stories is something for everyone to remember, particularly when dealing with conflict.
Additional Materials For Reinforcing What You Learned: The Negotiate Anything podcast is subscribe-worthy for this topic, with so many of the episodes grounded first in knowing yourself and understanding the reason why you are where you are. One episode that truly highlights the need for curiosity is the conversation on how to mediate with Nicole Davidson that is focused on negotiating better business outcomes that further touches on how mediation benefits your personal life through asking better questions. One of the most intuitive parts of the conversation is how you bring your emotions and bias to any negotiation and checking that is critical to obtaining what you want. Furthermore, the feedback loop created by asking two questions is critical to building the negotiation muscles you need, as well as your confidence to negotiate just about anything.
This book review was written by Shelley A. Svoren, VP – Leader Development for IAWA and who is the CEO + Founder of Infinite Branches. You can DM her on LinkedIn.