Set Boundaries, Find Peace
By Ingrid Fetell Lee
&
How to Change
By Katy Milkman
Why You Should Read This This recommendation to read two books concurrently may defy logic, but trust me, you need both to ensure long lasting change occurs so that you achieve the goals you develop. Here is the link to the Audible version of “Set Boundaries, Find Peace and the link to the Audible version of “How to Change” but I also recommend buying a physical book to dog-ear and highlight.
I am a self-described “recovering perfectionist” who pivoted to the path of Mastery. The reality is that remaining on that path must include self-awareness and requires implementation of actionable steps that establish boundaries; break habits; and create indelible change. I required both a key and lock to step onto my new path.
The metaphorical key to change lies with first identifying what is siphoning your mental (and sometimes physical) energy. “Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab,” highlights the need to not only understand what boundaries are, it also answers the “why” and “how” to establish boundaries in all relationships. Each chapter includes actionable steps that are grounded in self-reflection. The author further shares the give and take of relationships and how we must be open to respecting the boundaries that others establish (even it is as simple as placing our phone away when engaging in conversations) so that we engender trust and respect. The questions asked with the conclusion of each chapter and the Quiz at the end of the book are thought prompting.
If establishing healthy boundaries are a key, then solidify the habits that you develop are the proverbial lock that must be turned in order remain on your newfound path. But habits are remarkably complex and difficult to change. More bluntly put, change is anything but simple and it is perplexing how the stubborn persistence of bad habits keep us from our transformation. How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Katy Milkman and Angela Duckworth details the science behind how our minds work in order to affect the permanent alterations that we require to achieve our goals. The dynamic duo explore change as it pertains to impulsivity, procrastination, forgetfulness, laziness, confidence, and conformity.
How You Can Apply This Knowledge is power and it is self-empowering when you identify an issue that requires a boundary to be established. Once you understand what is standing between you and success, you can tailor your solution to overcoming that obstacle.
I identified 10 major and minor boundaries that I needed to either establish in order regain my mental energy or respect a valued relationship. With each issue, I creatively infused fun and joy or, when necessary, painful penance. Turning what was a 45 uphill battle into a gently downhill sloping one is the key to sustainable success.
Additional Materials For Reinforcing What You Learned If you want to reinforce what you gained from these books regarding habits by listening to a podcast, you might enjoy: Brene Brown's Dare to Lead podcast with James Clear (part 2) on creating “Atomic Habits”. The crux of his book is that it takes four critical components to create an “atomic” habit: (1) make it obvious, (2) make it attractive, (3) make it easy, and (4) make it satisfying.
You may also want to conduct a deeper dive by reading the Harvard Business Review article on The Busier You Are, the More You Need Quiet Time
This book review was written by Shelley A. Svoren, VP – Leader Development for IAWA and who is the CEO + Founder of Infinite Branches. You can DM her on LinkedIn.